oh hey I was going to do beda hahahahaha

Happy August 16.

I've been getting into fanmixes, and I'm working on finishing my second one and noticing that I tend to start them with two songs by the same artist.
Not intentionally.
It just happens like that.

Anyway, whatever, I'll post the tracklistings for them since no one reads this blog anyway.
They're for the DTMG fandom but more accurately for our elaborate backstories for the characters.

So here we go:
"Slipping" for Billy Joe Cobra

1. Desensitized--Green Day
2. No Pride--Green Day
3. Anthem--Blink 182
4. Failure's Not Flattery--New Found Glory
5. Out of Reach--The Get Up Kids
6. Even if it Kills Me--Motion City Soundtrack
7. Pain--Jimmy Eat World
8. Sober-P!nk
9. Watch Me Fall Apart--Hard-fi
10. Song To Say Goodbye--Placebo
11. Blackbird--The Beatles
12. How To Be Dead--Snow Patrol
13. Slipped--The National

"The Grave That You Refuse To Leave" for Madame X

1. Sprawl (Flatlands)--Arcade Fire
2. (Headlights Look Like Diamonds--Arcade Fire) <--Might change this one
3. Westbound Sign--Green Day
4. The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most--Dashboard Confessional
5. Home Is a Fire--Death Cab for Cutie
6. City With No Children--Arcade Fire
7. Steadier Footing--Death Cab For Cutie
8. Is There A Way Out--The Get Up Kids
9. Flaws--Bastille
10. No Light, No Light--Florence+The Machine

But that one's still really in progress and editing and shit

BEDA-1 day 1

As I am sitting here, in the bathroom, I have become aware that today is august second, meaning that technically I am a day late for Blog Every Day in August. So welcome to BEDA minus one, day one.
What to say? My life is currently a sort of weird monotony of wake up, pills, knit and make plans with friends that we'll pretend to try to keep, coffeeship, home, pills. Bed.
I'm also working on a very long, complicated, and drawn-out character development/plot creating storytelling experiment with my friend, which is pretty much going on all the time except when I sleep and she works. It's really fun when you make discoveries that, say, the characters that you've been writing for a month and a half reveal to you that one of them is Catholic(ish), her term. And I say reveal because I'm pretty sure pretending I'm in control of the story at this point.
Uh
I liked the clothes I wore today. I think I'm finally finding my personal style, too bad it's four years after I graduated high school.

Stuff:
Mood: Depressed but better than yesterday
Gloves: Didn't work, just knitted a skirt
Portfolio: Shit I haven't worked on that in months

Pills, pills, pills

There's some shit that I don't talk about much on the internet. My mental health is one of those things, but long story short last year I had a really shitty major depressive episode that after a misdiagnosis that almost killed me, I got diagnosed as bipolar. Wheee.

One of the fun things about being bipolar is knowing that you're going to be on pills for the rest of your life.

I also have really painful periods (i have a period even if it makes some people uncomfortable and it's my blog i'm gonna talk about it damn it) so I'm going to start birth control for that, because I can't keep missing class due to being in so much pain that moving makes me pass out.

And I keep thinking, when is this going to end. How many pills am I going to be taking for how long?

Being on lithium (the high dose that I'm on to make shit work) also fucked up my thyroid, so I'm on thyroid pills.
Basically, my morning is alarm goes off, take a pill, hit snooze. 30 minutes later I"m taking more pills and later at night more pills still.

When the doctor who I saw for the period issue (first time I saw a woman doctor for the issue and the first time that I was not condescendingly told that nothing was wrong and that sometimes periods can be painful) she asked if I would be okay with starting The Pill. That was how she said it, with the capital letters, The Pill.
And I just couldn't stop laughing.
5 different types of medicine, 8 pills a day, and I know compared to some people that's not a lot, but the fact that other people are taking more pills does not mean that I am somehow taking fewer.

Whatever, blog decided to be an angstfest today.